Sunday, June 24, 2012

The Eighth Ten. Damn, Nature, You Scary!

1. The Angler Fish
This is actually a whole group of fish with a great variety of appearance and behaviors.  The one that is most commonly portrayed is the Black Devil Angler fish with it's glowing lure, beady eyes and sharp spear-like teeth.  There are other varieties that are less frightening in a traditional sense but potentially more creepy, like the Leafvent Angler whose males attach themselves to the female and meld with them, eventually becoming nothing more than a pair of testes.


2. Emerald Cockroach Wasp
It seems that nature has some bizarre methods for reproduction.  In the case of the Emerald Cockroach Wasp, it all starts by creating a zombie.  This solitary insect stings a cockroach twice injecting a venom which ultimately gives the wasp control of the roach using the roach's antenna.  It then leads the roach to it's burrow so that it can lay it's a 2cm (0.78in) long egg on the roach's abdomen.  The roach, now zombified, stays there while the egg hatches and the larva burrows into it to consume it's internal organs.

3. East African Giant Snail
This enormous Gastropod can have grow upwards of  20cm (7.87in) in length.  That's certainly beyond the realm of a cute little snail, however; that's not the only thing that makes them disturbing.  Apparently, when they infest an area, they are nearly impossible to eradicate.  There have been many methods employed including flame throwers and containing/starving them with salt and pesticides which were quite ineffective.

4. The Sea Wasp
This is widely regarded as the most lethal of all box jellyfish.  When hunting, the tentacles on this nightmare creature can be as long as 3m (9.8ft) long and are covered in many thousands of stinging cells that act as miniature darts injecting a very powerful venom.  A fatal sting has been known to do it's work in less than 4 minutes on a full grown adult human.  This is notably faster than snake, spider or insect venom.  Many victims die from cardiac arrest or drowning before they can reach safety.


 5. Hippopotamus
Chances are, if you are in Africa and are killed, then you were killed by a Hippopotamus.  These enormous herbivores are exceptionally aggressive toward anything that they consider a threat especially when they have young present.  This includes crocodiles, lions and human who they have been known to attack on site with no provocation.  Dead crocodiles are enough to make me weary of this frightening beast.

6. The Platypus
While this odd looking mix of a beaver, an otter and a duck can appear to be cute in the eyes of the correct beholder, it hides a pain inducing secret.  Hiding on the hind legs of the male platypus is a set of poisonous barbs that inject a cocktail of poisons unique to this creature.  This poison which consists primarily of definsin-like proteins is capable of killing smaller animals such as dogs and cats but not plentiful enough in the sting of a platypus, however; it can cause such intense pain that it is possible to render a human unconscious.  After the sting, a heightened sensitivity to pain has been reported to last from hours to months in a victim.

7. Tree Weta
 The nearly impossible to kill Tree Weta can grow up to 40mm (1.5in) in length and most commonly inhabit holes in trees left by beetle and moth larvae.  A chemical in their blood acts as a type of anti-freeze allowing them to be completely frozen down to 14 degrees Fahrenheit with no ill effects when thawed.  Now the kicker, apparently as they freeze, their brain and heart dies.  When they are thawed back out, the brain and heart come back to life making this insect nature's way of making a Romero film.
8. Water Moccasin
All of the creatures listed above would be considered exotic species here in Louisiana, so lets talk about something that is scary and found right here in Louisiana wetlands, the Cotton Mouth Snake or Water Moccasin.  The Water Moccasin is an extremely venomous snake and the only semi-aquatic pit viper.  Their bite is extremely painful and occasionally fatal.  While the aggressive nature of the snake has bee exaggerated, they do not run when confronted and on rare occasions the male of the species has been known to approach humans.


9. Hurricanes
So far this list has concentrated on nature's frightening animals and insects but nature has more ways to scare us.  Another force of nature that is common in the Gulf region of the United States is the hurricane.  Many remember the destruction wrought by Hurricane Katrina in 2005 which led to over 1500 human casualties and countless animal deaths.  And though hurricane deaths are relatively low compared to other extreme weather deaths, the force itself is enough to give one pause.  Hurricanes can grow larger than 888km (552mi) in diameter and garner winds that can reach up to 314km/h (195mph).  It's no wonder hurricanes are the only natural disaster we give names to.

10. The Bubonic Plague
I think that a natural force that eradicated a 30 to 60% of the population of Europe in the 14th century is a great way to round out this list.  The Y. pestis bacteria is the culprit responsible for the myriad of terrible symptoms that appeared during the plague including: acral gangrene, continuous vomiting, fever, muscle cramps, seizures and more.  While we now have anti-bacterial treatments that can cure the plague, more and more infections diseases are becoming immune to our drugs and nature is always creating new single celled and micro-organisms to wreak havoc on us as a species.


Tuesday, June 19, 2012

The Seventh Ten. Numbers from 0 to 11.

1. 7 - Cause it's lucky number 7
2. 3 - The appropriate number of examples to give when making a statement or argument.
4. 2 - It's not the loneliest number
5. 9 - The movie was awesome
6. 11 - It's one more...than ten.
7. 10 - I like that it is also 2
8. 6 - It sounds like "sex" in German.
9. 5 - King Kong Bundy punk!
10. 0 - It's the only number I know of that people have been killed simply for acknowledging

Monday, June 11, 2012

The Sixth Ten. People You Would Bite/Eat if You Were a Zombie.


  1. Kirk Cameron - (Eat) I would follow it with a banana :)
  2. Christopher Walken - (Bite) First off, "The Walken Dead" is a great pun.  Second I'd love to hear that zombie.  “Hey.  Like. Arrr Growll, guys”
  3. Robert Smith - (Bite) because he would be an awesome Zombie, and the zombies will need entertainment. 
  4. George A Romero - (Bite) for the pure poetry of it.
  5. Obama and Romney - (Bite) Zombie in the White House, they couldn't do worse.
  6. Fred Phelps - (Eat) cause fuck that guy, that's why.
  7. Jeffery Steingarten - (Eat) a fitting end for the author of "The man who ate everything"
  8. Rob Zombie - (Bite) Rob Zombie zombie!
  9. Neil DeGrasse Tyson - (Bite) Zombie science FTW!
  10. M. Night Shymalan - (Eat) Secret twist ending...I’m not a zombie at all, and M. Night Shyamalan is actually a slice of pizza!

Saturday, June 2, 2012

The Fifth Ten. Best Movie Adaptation


1.  Fight Club
An adaptation so good, the author of the book said he liked it better than the book.

2.  The Outsiders
One of my all time favorite novels turned into a movie filled with people who had amazing careers including: Matt Dillon, Patrick Swazye, Rob Lowe, Ralph Macchio, Emilio Estevez, Tom Cruise and more.

3.  Hellraiser
This movie was adapted from the novel The Hellbound Heart by Clive Barker.  The movie was quite different than the book, allowing both to be enjoyed separately.

4.  The Shining
One of the few Stephen King movies I've enjoyed.  A horror classic thanks to Jack Nicholson.

5.  The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
I've never read the novel this movie was based on but I can say that this movie, the original version, was seriously intense.

6.  Sin City
Such a faithful recreation of the comic that you can match panels from the comic up directly to the screen.

7.  The Lord of the Rings
While the movies were not perfectly faithful to the novels, they were still beautiful and well done.  The special effects alone were enough to put it on this list.

8.  American Psycho
What can you say, Bateman was amazing.

9.  The Exorcist
I still get chills watching this movie and I remember having a lot of difficulty sleeping after reading the book.

10. Ironman
One of the best superhero movies ever made, hands down.  Robert Downing Jr. truly embodied Tony Stark.